


Catharsis

by eranoa



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bad Dirty Talk, Canon Asexual Character, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Sasha James, Mentioned Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Riding Crops, Safeword Use, Trauma, Under-negotiated Kink, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:40:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eranoa/pseuds/eranoa
Summary: The first blow on his back makes him exhale deeply. After a few more scattered around his shoulders a comfortable static starts to fill his head. But that's not what they are here for."Please say it Martin," he breathes out, pleading."Say what Jon?"Martin knows what game they are playing, but he still needs to know that really is what Jon is asking for. That's probably the part he's most hesitant about, and he's certainly not about to start it without Jon properly asking for it."Say it's my fault."
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	Catharsis

"Jon... are you certain you want to do this?"

The man is sitting on the edge of the bed, naked except for his underwear, a determined look on his eyes. Martin can't help but feel uncomfortable thinking about what is supposedly going to happen next, a vague feeling of wrongness twisting his gut. Fingers fidgeting with the shiny riding crop he is holding. Jon slowly stands up and comes closer, a gentle smile softening his tired face. Dark circles making his skin look ashy, barely healed scars from being scratched so often, and profound dark eyes suddently face Martin.

"We don't have to do it if you don't like it," he says, "Actually, I don't think we're doing anything until you tell me what's on your mind Martin."

Taking his hand, Jon leads him back to the bed where they can sit face to face. Martin takes a deep breath before looking back at his boyfriend. 

"I know I said yes earlier but now that it's actually happening, I'm not sure."

A short moment passes before he continues, Jon listening carefully. 

"Is it even going to help? Like, I understand the idea, and you've explained what you get out of this but won't it just make it worse? Don't get me wrong, I'm not suddenly against the idea, I just want to be sure you know what you're doing."

He tries his best to stay coherent but it's not easy with the other man focusing his whole attention on him like that. He lowers his gaze, frowning slightly. 

"Martin, I can't say I'm absolutely sure it will work, I've never done this before. I want to try because I feel like it might, but I won't force you if you say no and we can easily find something else to do. There's no pressure on you, I won't be mad if you say no. You know I won't."

Jon takes his hands in his own, caressing his fingers with a feather-like touch, taking the crop from them and putting it down on the bed. When Martin opens his mouth, he adds softly. 

"And do not say yes because you feel like saying no would disappoint me in any way."

They both sit in silence for a few seconds, until Martin speaks again. 

" Ok, I want to try. But we are using a safe word and if you feel like you want to stop at any time you use it, or if you want to pause for water or whatever... Is "aubergine" ok with you? " 

The Archivist chuckles fondly at this. There is something intoxicating in the way Martin cares for him, in the trust and intimacy they managed to develop. Something so warm and precious that he would do anything to keep. 

"I agree to the terms and conditions." 

Eyes rolling back, yet looking more serene than before Martin grabs the riding crop again and slaps him tenderly on the thigh, producing an offended and overly dramatic gasp from Jon. 

"Take this seriously.

\- Or what? You'll hit me again," he answers, smile coming back as a smirk. "I think this is a win-win situation. 

\- You're insufferable, you know that? Martin gets up again, looking down to his boyfriend laying down comfortably on his back in the center of the bed. He looks content like this, arms open widely on each side of his head and just waiting, willing to take anything that will be given to him. 

\- Then do something about it." 

That's when the first actual slap hits the skin, without any of them expecting it. And Martin can't help but blush slightly at the noise the Archivist makes when it happens. 

So he does it again, still aiming for the inside of the thighs where bruises would certainly flourish during the night. The noise of leather against skin sounds nicer than he expected, and the sharp breaths each blow gets out of Jon rips any last doubt he had about this from his mind. Maybe they could make this work. 

Martin stops for a second and Jon opens eyes he doesn't remember closing. 

"Please turn around, I won't hit your stomach. I can probably hit your back harder safely. If you want me to?"

Jon actually shivers at this and quickly turns around, head resting in the crook of his arm. 

"Ready?

\- Absolutely." 

The first blow on his back makes him exhale deeply. Legs shaking slightly, he relishes in the burn every slap is leaving on his already abused skin. After a few more scattered around his shoulders a comfortable static starts to fill his head. The pain sharper and so much more violent each time the slap hits a badly healed scar. He wants to let himself get swallowed by that gentle flow of physical stimulation. But that's not what they are here for. 

"Please say it Martin," he breathes out, pleading. 

"Say what Jon?" 

Martin knows what game they are playing, but he still needs to know that really is what Jon is asking for. That's probably the part he's most hesitant about, and he's certainly not about to start it without Jon properly asking for it. 

"Say it's my fault." 

A firm slap right above his ass gets a low whine from the Archivist. So they're doing this. 

"It's your fault Jon. You did this, all of it. You've got no one to blame but yourself. That's why you're getting punished." 

Martin is surprised at how harsh these words came out, he knows he doesn't believe a single word of them, but he's scared he's being too convincing. He's thought about it, about what he was expected to say, but he's certain that this is not the kind of things he enjoys telling his partner. And he's not even sure that Jon will like it. Yet, the soft moan that escapes the man's lips tells him otherwise, so he continues. 

" I hope you realize the mess you made, how bad you messed up this time." 

Three blows in rapid succession across the back of his thighs get Jon to whimper, hands grasping at the bedsheets. When Martin stops to check that he's fine, he begs for him to continue. Martin's grip on the riding crop tightens as he bites his lips. 

" You deserve this, you brought it upon yourself. 

\- I deserve this." Jon repeats, voice muffled by the bed.

A firm slap hits a more sensitive place on his hip and he can't help but curl up a bit on himself. 

Martin stops and waits until Jon relaxes a bit but the other man doesn't stop begging for him to continue. The uneasy feeling he got before is coming back. Hearing Jon say that is very different from saying it himself and he just wants to stop, comfort him, tell him how much he's loved. But that isn't what they agreed upon. 

" You got everyone caught up in this, you put everyone in danger and you kept acting like you were the victim. You were never the victim Jon." 

A more violent blow on his shoulder, Jon moans. Martin is starting to feel sick. This isn't right at all. He knows he's lying, none of that is true. He has to start repeating it to himself. Jon was a victim as much as everyone else, if not more. Yet he continues, he's doing it for Jon after all. 

Blow after blow, the sound of the riding crop starts to get overwhelming. The redness of Jon's back, the shape of each strike bruising the soft skin is making Martin dizzy. Jon's shivering from the pain and probably the cold of the room ; head turned to the right, his eyes unfocused and foggy. But he doesn't realize how bad it's gotten until Jon whispers :

" Tell me it's my fault they're dead." 

The crop tumbles from Martin's white-knuckled's hands to the ground. That certainly was not in the scene. He cannot do that, that's way too much, way more than he can give. He feels himself shaking too, hands tired and cramping from the repetitive movements. 

"No. Aubergine. Stop. We're stopping," the words come out of his mouth as way more scared than he intended to and Jon turns around to face him. Face red from the pain and puffy from the tears that started to flow from his eyes. 

He looks wretched.

Martin nearly runs to the bed, grabbing Jon as delicately as he can in an attempt to not hurt his back even more, and holds him in a tight embrace. There's nothing else he can do, he's overwhelmed by everything and it's impossible to think straight. His face is wet too and he didn't even realize he had started to cry. 

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for everything," Jon grabs back desperately, sobbing harder than he probably ever has. "Please forgive me Martin, I tried my best I promise I did but it wasn't enough. " 

The sentence comes out as a faint murmur, voice broken from crying, and hiccups interrupting him every few words. Martin cups his face in his hands, trying his best to steady his breathing. This was such a bad idea, he knew from the start it was a bad idea.

"I didn't believe it, not a single word I said, Jon. You have to trust me. I know you think it's your fault, and I know whatever I say it won't change how you feel about all this but I can't pretend I hate you like you hate yourself. I just can't..." He has to stop to calm himself when Jon buries his face in the warmth of his jumper, still holding to him like his life depends on it. "I love you. I love you so much. You always did your best and you deserve so much better than this, so much more better than all we had to go through. We all deserved better."

Jon's sobs have calmed down and he's now sniffing in Martin's jumper. So fragile and shaking in his arms. Both men take a few minutes to breathe, until they start to relax a bit more. Martin runs his hand slowly down Jon's back and it's achingly warm, vibrating with pain. He did this. How could he do this.

" So you forgive me?" Jon's voice is still unsure and quiet, throat abused by his previous cries. 

Martin's stomach drops and he doesn't know where to start to fix this. He shifts so they can lay down properly, Jon resting on top of him, head slowly following each movement of his chest. He looks calmer now, but he's probably just exhausted. 

"You have nothing to be forgiven for, but if it can make you feel better, I do forgive you Jon. For whatever it is that you are not forgiving yourself." 

Jon's throat tightens again. 

"And you did not do it, " Martin thinks he may start crying for good, hands untangling Jon's hair in an attempt to comfort them both. "I never did, neither will I ever think you're responsible for Tim and Sasha's death." 

Without warning Jon resumes his sobbing, only stopping to take shaky, tired breaths. He's so miserable, overcome with panic and distress only anchored by Martin's words and the slight relief they bring.

Martin doesn't add anything, he just holds him tight, until they both can rest a bit. Maybe drink something. He really wouldn't mind some tea right now, anything warm. And once they're in their right mind again they will have a proper talk about what happened and they will take care of Jon's sore skin. Yes, that sounds like a plan. 

His own weariness is catching up and Jon starts to calm down again, so they stay there for a bit, cradled in the safety of each other's arms. It's going to be alright. Martin exhales deeply, reassured by the certainty that they are both exactly where they are meant to be. And that they will learn to live with everything that happened and everything that will. Together at last. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! :)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, if you feel like it don't hesitate to leave kudos or a comment, they're always appreciated!!


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